


Praeruptus

by tsukiko_gori



Category: Big Bang (Band)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-02
Updated: 2017-06-02
Packaged: 2018-11-08 07:22:34
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,624
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11076768
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tsukiko_gori/pseuds/tsukiko_gori
Summary: Definition: A sudden change of events or reversal of circumstances, especially in a literary work."a peripeteia swiftly turns a routine sequence of events into a story worth telling”





	Praeruptus

#  **Praeruptus**

**_Praeruptus_** : 

**Pronunciation** : _/prae_ ̯ˈ _rup.tus/, [prae_ ̯ˈ _r_ ʊ _p.t_ ʊ _s]_

**Participle** _: praeruptus_  m (feminine _praerupta_ , neuter _praeruptum_ ); first/second declension

1\. broken off

2\. torn to pieces

**Definition** : A sudden change of events or reversal of circumstances, especially in a literary work.

_"a peripeteia swiftly turns a routine sequence of events into a story worth telling”_

 

 

 

**∞**

 

 

 

It was his phone that broke the warmth of the room. 

With a mouth filled of his length, his hands fisting a tuff of hair, pushing that eager mouth and setting the rhythm to basically fuck those lips, he made no reservations into answering the call with a breathy «uhm, hey» 

It could have sounded laid back, his face looked laid back as well, with his eyes closed and his hair messily covering some parts of them. 

«No, nothing in particular... don't worry»

Even his posture looked laid back. 

Seungri thought, giving one last lick and swirl around the head of the cock filling his mouth, that maybe it was the case to stop, but as soon as he tried to pull back, the grip grew stronger, causing his head to tilt a bit. He inquisitively looked up, and found him with a smirk looking down, eyes dark of lust and a note of mischief.

« _Go on_ » he mouthed, and Seungri did so eagerly, guessing that beside a small kink, the call might have not been that important. 

«Uhm… so my baby feels lonely» was what followed as soon as Seungri dipped back and took it all back in his mouth. He halted for barely a second, eyes almost closed blinking rapidly in shock, but he felt his hand coaxing him into continuing, and so he squeezed his eyes shut, concentrated into listening the phone inconspicuously. 

«Want Oppa to keep you company?»

Seungri begun to feel sick, and it wasn’t certainly for the head of the other's cock thrusting against the back of his throat, for that, he was used to it. What made his stomach churn was the sweetness of his voice that clearly, this once, was a sweetness that  wasn't directed at him. 

«I miss you so much too, honey» he whined. 

It could have been because Seungri had went down and had taken one sack in his mouth while the other was massaging the other, or it could have been the whiny lovers talk, Seungri didn't know. What he knew was that his boner was deflating pretty fast and that he was doing his best to make the other climax as soon as possible so he could ask some due questions. 

«If you're sleepy you should sleep babe, I'll see you in two days anyway»

As far as he knew, Jiyong was having a shoot in Japan in two days, so he guessed that's where the mistress lived--- well, thinking of it, Seungri was the side-fuck, wasn't he? 

«Yeah, goodnight baby, love you»

Oh, even the ending “love you” was butchering.

What was he supposed to do? He wanted answers but he also wanted to flee, a hard task to do since Jiyong's hand was gripping that tightly his own strands, it was a silent demand to finish him off, so Seungri braced himself and swallowed his concerns for that little more until Jiyong climaxed. 

He got back at the length, circled the head with his tongue and dipped the tip in the frenulum giving it a couple of swipes before taking the entire length in his mouth, the moans escaping Jiyong’s mouth helping that much at getting him distracted. He sucked till the base and kept on sucking, bobbing his head up and down. One hand reached to fondle with his balls once again, massaging them both as he took the cock in his mouth only till it fit, pumping the rest with his free hand, in rhythm. It was incredibly hard to do all of three things at once, but he also managed to hum here and there. 

A couple of minutes of that strenuous pace, and finally Jiyong was slapping Seungri's hands away from both his length and his balls, only to then push hardly at his head until his cock was completely buried inside Seungri's mouth, the length bending slightly as it followed his throat. 

He kept him there forcefully, not consenting the man at his feet to either breath or move an inch, while Jiyong rocked back and forth until he was shooting his load down his throat. When he was almost done, he pulled out completely, forced Seungri's lips apart, and jerked the rest of his cum off, all over the other's open mouth and a bit on his face. 

Seungri felt in a daze, remaining on his knees for a moment until tiredly let his legs free from their position and let them loose and open as he leaned back on his hands propping him up. 

He heaved a bunch of long, refreshing breaths, and licked at the sides of his mouth to clean part of the mess the other had done. 

When he looked up, he was met with the other's intense gaze, their eyes met, and the older sent him a smirk. 

«You’re insanely hot with my cum all over your face, you know?»

And yeah, in other occasions he probably would have chuckled and said some flirtatious or funny retort, but although the haze, Seungri could not stop thinking about what had just happened, so he only looked down on his lap and back at Jiyong. 

«Yeah, well, I'll wash myself up» was what he said as he stood on his wobbly legs, he was about to walk towards the bathroom when a grip held onto his arm. 

«Hey, everything's ok?» Seungri turned slightly to see the concern painted on Jiyong's features, and had to keep the sigh that was demanding to escape him. Without answering, he turned again and walked into the bathroom. 

He opened the faucet, mind completely all over the place and heart silent but hurtfully pumping, he splashed his face a couple of times, reached for the cleansing soap right on the counter and proceeded into washing throughly his face. After he was done, he reached for the towel at his side and blindly dried himself. 

Unsurprisingly, when he was done, Jiyong was right there standing by the door. 

«What is it? Is it because of the call?»

And really, what a dumb question it was? There was no doubt as to what was the reason of his demeanour, but then again, Seungri was no coward, and he wouldn't keep quiet when something was pressing to be asked. 

«You have a girlfriend?» He calmly asked, folding the towel and hanging it where he'd found it. 

«Yeah» ashamed or embarrassed, even regretful, Jiyong looked none of those. 

«I didn't know» it might have been a dumb answer to what Jiyong had just confirmed but what else was there that he could have said? 

«Why are you cheating on her?» That was another thing his mind had begun on boggling him as soon as he started to blindly assume what that call was about. One of the many.

«Because I don't love her» and Jiyong shrugged, and Seungri was even more confused.

«You don't love her?» He inquired with his head bending at one side. 

In all honesty he had no idea of what was going on. He saw Jiyong approach him, though, and felt his arms come around his shoulders, and in a second, he was enveloped in a hug that felt nothing but cold. 

«You know I love you Ri, I couldn't love anybody else but you» and in the past he had never dwelled much on those words, ever, but suddenly--

«Then why do you have a girlfriend?» He asked quietly, voice muffled by Jiyong's hoodie. 

Jiyong pulled away, not entirely, as his hands were still holding on Seungri shoulders, and something like tiredness begun to cover Jiyong's warm eyes and made them dark. 

«We never said it was esclusive… besides, you wouldn’t even want it» 

Again, words and thought left his mind, not really knowing how to reply, because it was true, wasn’t it? Jiyong was right, yet, why did it hurt so much?

«I love you but I wouldn’t build a family with you, Ri, you're not that kind of... man» and those  words didn't feel like a slap or either a stab, those felt like bones cracking and soul leaving. He knew that hurt came from how true everything sounded, but all the while he had been with Jiyong, not once had he stopped and thought: “and then?” 

«Let’s have fun together while it lasts, uhm? What do you say?» He hadn't noticed Jiyong had taken his hand, nor how he was walking the two of them back to the living room, but in a second, he was in the foyer with Jiyong at his side wearing his shoes. He just stood there.

«So tonight we have to post-pone our plans because Soonho wants me over, but what about Thursday? Uhm?» 

Jiyong stood up, took Seungri's cheek in his palm and gave him a long peck in which he even closed his eyes. Seungri knew because his were wide open. 

«See you next week then, love you» and with another peck on his lips he was gone.

 

 

** ∞ **

 

 

Maybe-- maybe Jiyong was right. Seungri wasn't the kind of man to get married and have children. He even had a solid reputation following and proceeding him, and in all honesty, he never did anything to let those rumours drop, if anything, he fed them more and more. 

Be it because his publicist said it was great advertisement for an underwear model like him, it suited the persona they had built and sold; be it because he hardly fell in love and those times he did, found him heartbroken; be it because he liked to have fun and live his youth at its best, but it was true: marriage and kids were nothing he looked forward to. 

He knew from the past it wouldn't turn in some kind of revelation. He wouldn't one day wake up and realise he wanted to settle. So many calls had come his way of girls he had hooked up with, telling him they were pregnant of his babies, but upon those calls he fell in pure panic and had sent his manager to talk to them and find out if it was true, and luckily, it never was. 

The relief of not having to become a father at his young age, was that much of an indication he didn't want any of that life. He loved his job, loved to travel, loved partying and have general fun. Hooking up was basically the cherry on top, but with Jiyong, it was different. 

 

 

** ∞ **

 

 

«you're spacing out» 

«uhm» 

Seungri could only hum in response. He had really no will to stop thinking, too tired to even find a distraction. He tried, but it was beyond useless as every time his mind drifted back on that road, on those words Jiyong used.

«does it make any sense?» he wondered out loud, eyes fixed on the ceiling above. 

He heard an inhale and a second later his vision was obscured by a naked chest, as the man reached over to his side to shake off the ashes from his lit cigarette. 

«what does?» coming from the man beside him, he could have thought it was a deeper retort than an actual question, but he didn't have the mind to make greater observations about how the world works, for now, he just needed to untie the various knots his mind was in. 

«being in love with one but building a future with another» perhaps it was the better way, the political one, to put it. For now he didn't need to put names on things. 

«no» another exhale and the white cloud entered his vision once again «but in our times, perhaps it does» 

Seungri turned around, eyes tracing the side profile of the man beside him, from his sharp jawline to his delicate nose, from the curves of his lips to his penetrating eyes, and the man was looking at the ceiling, just like him before, a hand mid air with that cigarette in between his long fingers. 

«does it make sense to demand for both of them to stay? To accept it?» but then he felt like Jiyong didn't let his girlfriend know. He doubted anyone would anyway. Yes, there was the exception of some kinds of relationships, but the classic ones certainly didn't expect you to be so bold— or _unfaithful_. To who, Seungri didn’t know.

«I think it makes sense to demand it, but not to expect it» 

«uhm» those answers were anything but new. He had already pondered on them, yet, somehow, he needed to have some kind of confirmation. 

«but what about the other?» he couldn't help but ask. He received a hum as a reply and he decided to continue. 

«he will build a life with a girl and marry her and have a family, but what about the other? Staying would mean settling yet not settling, staying forever stuck between loving and never being able to show it. Leaving would mean having his heart fully broken and the one who made him feel love, gone, forever» he didn't want to admit it, but although the answer brought pain in each way, although ending it may have been the responsible choice, he didn't want to. 

«Ri, what happened?» the other cut short. Somehow Seungri already knew the question would eventually come, but he still hoped it wouldn't. 

«I fucked up» real bad, at that. He had sworn he'd never fall once more, both in love and in that trap it seemed to be, yet, there he was. 

The other man chuckled.

«seems like you have a thing for people that are not fully yours» he reached once again for the ashtray but this time he simply stubbed the cigarette on it. 

«I didn't know» came as a whisper. 

The man, instead of going back to his place by Seungri's side, opted to hover above him, hands at both sides of his face, eyes piercing his. 

«you never did» 

and then Seunghyun's lips were on his in a promise to make him forget. At least for that night. 

 

 

** ∞ **

 

 

A knock on the door and the regretful choice of opening it, later, found Seungri standing in front of a man he hadn’t seen in over a month.

«you’re avoiding me» was the first thing that came out of Jiyong’s lips. 

Seungri, keeping the door ajar, moved his weight from one foot to the other, hating how caught off guard he had been. He had hoped to resolve things before having to speak to the older. _If_ he had to speak with the older, that was.

«don't find excuses, you are. You're avoiding me» he didn’t even wait for the younger to open his mouth. Probably, he had known him enough to predict how he’d act— yet, not enough to let him be in the mess he was. Not enough to warn him before.

«I am» he couldn't really get bothered anymore, anyway. The mess was made and Jiyong was the cherry on top of it all, if he admitted the model back in his life. It was all ironic, though.

«and you're not even opening your goddamn door» Jiyong pushed against the wood, confirming that Seungri was indeed keeping it as ajar as it was, foot unmovable from its place behind it.

«what is it? Now you don't even want me in your home?» and really, Jiyong seemed a mix of angry and hurt. Angry, he could understand, hurt, not at all. Sure, he had been avoiding Jiyong, but hadn’t he said “let’s have fun until it lasts”? Well, the fun had ended with that fucking phone-call, at least, to him.

A sound came from behind his back, then another one, louder, and Seungri turned his head to look at what was happening behind him. 

«are you having someone over?» it felt like an interrogation, it felt intimidating, demanding, bothering in every way. Jiyong didn’t even want answers, he just assumed.

«you are, aren't you?» and now he even pushed at his chest, trying to make the man move, but Seungri wouldn’t budge.

«Ri let me the fuck in. I'm nothing but used to you whoring around!» 

Seungri flinched at those words, and as if called, a cry from behind him came, calling his attention. 

«what was that?» he turned to look at Jiyong, mouth slightly agape, not really knowing what to do.

«Seungri fucking talk alright!» and the pushes came back, and Seungri’s mind was blank. How was  he supposed to act? What was he supposed to say? It was all happening too soon, and he hadn’t really thought about—

«that's it. I have enough» 

And he barged in, the restraint of Seungri's own body doing nothing as the man's rage helped his strength. 

He heard him stomping in his apartment, heard him walking towards his bedroom, heard him bark without looking a _"fuck off"_ to whoever was inside, and then-- then nothing. 

He waited by the door, too overwhelmed to do anything until his shoulder was yanked and he was turned on his place to face him. 

He expected to see him furious, not so... confused, perhaps, upset. 

«what--» he inhaled harshly and as harshly and deeply he exhaled. 

«what does that mean?» and his face was awash of colours, too pale, too confused, and hurt and betrayed. 

«Ri, please-- _talk to me_ » he whispered, and he wondered why Jiyong looked so broken. 

 

 

** ∞ **

 

 

It all happened in New York. 

During his stay in the city for a Calvin Klein campaign, he had nothing to do beside going out and partying with his local friends. 

His mind was killing him with the images on Jiyong’s Instagram personal account. Of that girl on his lap, of that girl’s hand in his, of that girl being— well, with _him_.

Once in his life had he been so heartbroken, ridiculously, for the same goddamn reason.

Was it written all over his face? “Playable”? “Toyable”? Was he some kind of shit that no-one he loved wanted to be with? No… he was the side dish, or perhaps, the guilty pleasure of an anorexic model that eats her scoop of ice-cream. 

 

It was pathetic. 

 

He was pathetic, and he hated hating himself, because he’d been there, done that, and it had taken way more time than desirable to be back on his feet— only to be thrown down again, that is.

 

So it all happened in New York. 

With a girl for the night, a club to get drunk at, and a fuck in the nearest hotel. 

 

It all happened in New York, but it lasted for ten months, until the call. 

 

 

** ∞ **

 

 

_«we need to do the test! It can’t be—»_

_«Seungri, are you sure?»_

_«I-I—»_

_«are you sure?»_

 

 

 

 

 

 

_«no»_

 

 

** _∞_ **

 

 

«I think I’m losing my mind» he groaned, hair ruffled in a mess. When was the last time he actually took care of his looks? Two, three weeks back?

«I bet you are, _daddy_ » He shifted his gaze from his fuming coffee to glare at the other, meeting the usual mischievous smile and eyes of the older.

«oh shut the fuck up! It’s not for that— well not _just_ for that» he was truly tired, hours and hours of sleepless nights coming to weight on each and every part of his body and mind. He remembered those times in which his tiredness came for different kinds of sleepless nights, _fun_ sleepless nights. Nothing similar to waking up to cries he had no idea what were for.

«any news from the mother?» and Seunghyun’s tone changed, from teasing to worried, and so did Seungri’s annoyed state of mind, going from grumpy to simply lost.

«no… nothing, she’s just vanished in thin air» he sighed out. The flashes of all those calls to everyone who had seen her or the staff of the hospital… all those efforts gave him nothing. She hadn’t call him or his manager claiming anything, she just dropped his name in the hospital form, under the tag: “ _father_ ”

«maybe she didn’t give the right name?» the man suggested, pensive.

«yeah, that’s what we guessed so far» _Lara Morrison…_ it should have ringed bells when the girl looked and spoke mostly Chinese, barely english— but Seungri was definitely careless, if not always, certainly that night.

«so what are you going to do with him?» 

«I… I don’t know» and he didn’t, he really didn’t, his job demanded for him to be anywhere but in Korea, his life-style was truly a thing he didn’t want to leave, and he wasn’t ready, nor he wanted, to be a father… yet, what other choices did he have?

«are you going to give him for…» a suggestion that both of them knew he wouldn’t take. They hadn’t grown together for nothing, if anything, the was a thing both of them knew—

«adoption? No… I won’t make him live what we have» Seunghyun nodded, expression understanding and thoughtful.

«so you’ll keep him?»

 

«yeah…— 

 

it was going to be hard, it was going to stop his self-centred life, it was going to kill his freedom, but

 

 

—I’ll be the father I never had»

 

 

** ∞ **

 

 

None of that would have happened if love hadn’t come knocking at his door. 

He was a free spirit now grounded to a place, to a person. But he said it, didn’t he? 

He’ll stop that life of promiscuity to give steadiness to that infant. 

He’ll be there for the boy’s cries and hide his own.

He’ll learn to nourish and love a creature, and maybe, for once, he’ll make it. 

To love and be loved back.

 

Seungri swore he would love Taehyun _unconditionally_.

 

 

** ∞ **

 

 

A knock on the door and tired steps later, found him, again, in front of the man that in one way or the other had changed his life.

 

Usually, Seungri would open the door, hair styled and dazzling smile. Face fresh and soul light. He’d wear something comfortable but sexy. He’d greet whoever with enthusiasm and kindness.

Now, who stood in front of Jiyong was a man with messy hair, dark circles under his eyes and tired expression. He looked as if coming out of the apocalypse, with stains on his white shirt and crumpled shorts. His once shaved legs were hairy, and he had a stubble of at least two weeks going on.

 

Jiyong’s heart stopped on its tracks and his throat clogged up.

 

He thought, for the years spent fooling around, that Seungri had a place in his heart for his energetic ways and cute but teasing demeanour. He thought, months back, when they stopped seeing each other, that he’d miss Seungri’s body the most. His toned muscles, his bronzed skin, his boyish charm. He had thought with the passing of time and years came to appear on the model’s skin, that loving him would come to a stop. 

Somehow, it was a comforting way for Jiyong to know he was doing the right thing. 

He thought that what he felt for the younger was superficial. That the greatest role played in those feelings for him, were his looks and his care-free ways. 

He didn’t expect for his heart to beat faster when Seungri appeared like anything but his past self. 

He didn’t expect to still love him, like he was. Tired, uncouth and anything but excited. 

But he did— love him still, that was.

 

«what are you doing here?» the expected question came, but although his expectations, Jiyong heard only tiredness in his voice, as if Seungri had no more mental strength to actually push him away. 

Like the other time he went there, a cry came from inside, but instead of blocking Jiyong’s path, Seungri sighed and left, leaving the door open, not bothered if Jiyong would follow or not, which he did. 

He silently left his shoes by the entrance, and just as silently followed the sound of Seungri’s voice. When he arrived to the living room, he spotted the young man, cradling that baby in his arms and trying to calm him down by gently swinging left and right, all the while talking words of reassurance. 

It was strange. Seeing Seungri with that child in his arms, leaving lingering kisses on the crown of his head, and shushing him with words of “Appa is here, it’s all right”, and how the boy clung on his shirt, while sniffing and blabbing words with no sense at all. 

It was strange, but it made Jiyong’s heart leap and thud harder and stronger against his ribs, his eyes almost burning, because in that moment he realised that that was all he ever wanted, but that he fucked up so bad, he highly doubted he would ever have.

 

 

** ∞ **

 

 

Jiyong was a man of love and passion, of dreams and determination. 

Never had he let his fear stop him from achieving what he wanted, what he thought he deserved, and that, over time, made him immoral, turned him selfish.

Once, and only once, had he thought of compromising on his dreams, but the knowledge of the man he loved, not wanting to share any of his dreams, the knowledge of Seungri wanting to be free, had broke him and pieced him back crookedly. 

He meant it, in a painful way, the words he had told the younger. The “I love you”s he let flow out of him, but he also knew it wouldn’t last. He knew that having someone more stable, like a girlfriend, and meeting Seungri in the darkness, was wrong, was immoral, but Jiyong also knew he wasn’t Seungri’s only one, that he had others. 

His possessiveness called for him to demand exclusiveness to their relationship, but his feelings for Seungri stopped him from doing so. 

Perhaps, Seungri would have complied, would have accepted to be with only him, but Jiyong knew it would be a matter of time before the younger would feel strangled by the tightness of that ordeal. So Jiyong made a choice. The choice of compromising and let him enjoy what little time was left for him before Seungri would get bored. He chose of encaging his feelings in a small little box and hide them away. He chose coldness above the warmth his bubbling feelings provided him, and over the course of time, he grew used to the tightness constricting him. 

He found that nameless lady that had filled his childhood dreams, and gave her a name, a face; and the part about love and happiness, always so bright and appealing to his young eyes, he erased

(although it was already filled with that name of two syllables that still screamed from that box to be let free).

Jiyong was a man of love and passion, of dreams and determination, but with years he learnt that he had to be always ready to lose something, in order to achieve his goals. 

Upon meeting Lee Seungri, he chose to lose that box.

 

 

** ∞ **

 

 

With the baby asleep in his white crib, Jiyong and Seungri sat at the once polished glass table. 

Upon leading his unexpected guest to take a seat, he had muttered something across the lines of calling the house maid, but beside that, nothing was exchanged.

Both painfully lost in thoughts of the other, knew that some words needed to be told, some questions to be asked, and it was Jiyong who started first. 

«I came here to see how you were doing» he replied to the question lingering in the air, still, from the moment the other had opened the door.

«I’m…» Seungri drew out a long sigh, hands reaching forwards to pick a pen laying on the table, and he played with it for a few seconds, gathering his thoughts, lately so over the place. Laying the pen back down on the table, he lifted his gaze to look around the room, eyes traveling on the surfaces that once used to be immaculate «I’m ok—» he briefly cleared his throat.

«It’s stressing, and I have no idea of what I’m doing but…» another deep sigh «I’m fine, Tae is good… he seems to not mind having an incompetent father like me» he breathed out tiredly. 

«you’re not— … you’re not incompetent, Ri» Jiyong received a snort back to his words, and his eyes darted to Seungri’s, finding him looking out the window that opened on the busy street below.

«it’s not what you said months ago» he pointed out, voice sarcastic and annoyed. His arms were crossed, his lips formed a thin line, but when he looked back at Jiyong, all he could see was sadness and hurt. 

«Ri… you weren’t— I wasn’t— … you know that I—»

«was right? Yeah, I admitted myself that much four months ago» eyes cast down, both of them found no more words to say. Enough had been thrown at each other, enough cutting words were still lingering around them, and they knew. They both knew that in a way or another the other was right. 

Few minutes passed with that same silence. They absorbed what they could from what little was said, and the soft snores from the crib were the only sounds to signal them the passing of time. 

«Seunghyun-hyung comes by often» Seungri started, catching the older’s attention in barely a second. 

«twice, sometimes three or four times a week» he continued. 

Bells of alarm begun to ring in Jiyong’s ears, and just one question stood above them all—

«are you two…» he hesitated though, and Seungri watched the older stopping before too late. He already knew what was going on in Jiyong’s head. After all, Jiyong knew of the shared intimacy between Seungri and the older, and for a moment, the idea of telling him that, yes, they were now together, was strong. Just to see the reaction, just to see pain, and yet—

«no… he’s just helping» but as he said so his eyes did not linger on Jiyong, preferring to settle back on the pen. 

«he has been taking care of Daesung-hyung’s baby when he’s abroad, so… he knows definitely more than me» he muttered at the end.

«I think…» Jiyong begun, catching Seungri’s attention, that the older caught by the sudden quirk of his eyebrow «that you’ll make a great father, over time» he said softly. 

It was different from the other times, maybe for the way Jiyong said it, maybe for the sincerity he sensed in his voice, but it was different, to Seungri. His heart beats increased, his eyelids fluttered by his quick repeated blinks, and he remained silent, allowing for the other to talk his thoughts out. 

«what I said to you… I didn’t mean it as a way to insult you, Ri… all those comments, all of those jabs I may have told you, I—» he sighed, head shaking as hit hung low «I thought it was better not to take you to heart, not to get too attached… but I did» he chuckled softly to himself. 

«I loved you, I _still_ love you, but at the time… at the time I thought it was a matter of time before you grew bored of me.

You were so… free and light and I fell so easily for you, but… but you _wanted_ to be free and I didn’t want to lose you, so I did what I thought best… I tried to distance myself, to tell myself that what I wanted wasn’t part of your plans, that in the long run you’d get bored and I impatient, and that’s why I found—»

«Nana» saying that name still brought Seungri a wave of pain, but it was better coming out from his lips than from Jiyong’s. Her name with his voice… it was nothing he wanted to hear.

«but it didn’t work»his whisper caught Seungri’s attention, and he looked up, eyes searching for the other, and he was met with those intense amber eyes that still captivated him, looking back. 

«it was useless… all the things I told myself to convince me I could forget you… but I can’t— _I can’t_ » they held their gazes, emotions whirling in both’s minds, until Seungri had to ask—

«do you want to?» 

and the answer was simple and easy, but mostly sincere

« _no_ » 

 

 

** ∞ **

 

 

Seungri plopped tiredly on the sofa, Taehyun being just fed some synthetic milk and rocked to sleep. Jiyong had observed everything from the same sofa Seungri was now on, looking at how tenderly the younger had placed the snoring baby back to his crib, and how he had lastly leaned down to press a soft kiss against the boy’s forehead, murmuring a sweet dreams, thinking of not being heard. All of that scenery had caused for a soft smile to linger on the older’s lips, and when Seungri had plopped on the sofa, he had taken his hand and softly pulled the younger against him, finding little to no resistance, as he circled the younger’s waist with his arms.

«I hope he’ll sleep through the night, this once» the younger sighed, incredibly pliant and soft, as Jiyong’s hands caressed the skin beneath the younger’s shirt. 

Jiyong just hummed, pressing a kiss on the side of Seungri’s neck, and his lips skimmed the soft skin there.

 

It was weird. The difference from their ways before, felt weird to Seungri. It wasn’t in a bad way, though. The peacefulness between them felt like the good reinvigorating breath a swimmer took after breaking the surface of water. Mostly, it felt right.

Silently, the two had acknowledged their mistakes, and just as silently the two had forgiven, both finally free of pretences and shields. Still, it felt weird. 

Seungri missed the way they were now. Not in the meaning the two had been like that before, but meaning that his feelings for Jiyong had always left a sense of longing, those times he just wanted to be with Jiyong, with no sex or lightness involved. He had missed intimacy in the sense of feeling cherished, and he had found out just the moment he was given it. Then, on that sofa.

 

They laid there for a while, doing nothing but basking in the presence of the other back in their lives, both silent and tranquil in that state. It was the yawn that Seungri let out, the call for the two of them to break out that revere.

«You should get some rest, Ri» Jiyong murmured against his shoulder, not really doing anything along his words, to move. 

Seungri would have protested, not wanting to move from where he was, but at the same time he was exhausted, and his eyes felt dry and heavy from the lack of sleep he’d been getting recently. Still, he too did nothing to move from that spot. He felt good in Jiyong’s lap, with his arms enveloping him in warmth. He didn’t want to leave, and that thought woke him suddenly from his sleepiness, with a sudden concern.

«Are you—» but he got interrupted by a kiss on his nape.

«I’m not going anywhere» Jiyong replied, as if sensing the younger’s train of thoughts.

«yeah?» he unsurely asked, wanting some more reassurance.

«yeah» and Jiyong kissed him again when Seungri turned to look at him. A small peck on his up-turned lips, that called for a smile to appear on Seungri’s lips, before he closed his eyes and settled back against Jiyong’s chest.

 

 

** ∞ **

 

 

When he woke up, he was in his bed. 

Seungri turned his head tiredly, looking at the alarm clock on his bed-side table. The clock told him it was still early in the morning, just five o’clock, to be more precise. Outside it was still dark, but the chirping of the early waking birds was making its way to his bedroom. 

He was still tired, and he wondered what could have possibly woke him up. That is, until his hazy mind reminded him he was not alone when he went to sleep, and like a cold shower, that realisation woke him up completely. 

Sitting straight on his bed, he looked around the dark room, looking for the other man, but his eyes caught nothing besides the waving curtains, hit by the breeze let through by the open window. 

He didn’t remember falling asleep, but his last memory from the night before was him laying against Jiyong’s chest, still on the sofa. 

Jiyong’s promise from the night before came to his mind. The promise of not leaving him still fresh from when he heard it, and suddenly worry came to him.

Did Jiyong lie to him? 

Did he, perhaps, changed his mind during the night? 

There was just one way to find out, and so Seungri, leaving the comfort of his bed, stood up and walked out the bedroom. 

The apartment was silent, and just as silently Seungri made his way through the various parts of the apartment. He checked the bathroom, guessing Jiyong might have woken in need to… well, who knows? But he wasn’t in there. He opened his spare bedroom door, wondering if maybe Jiyong had slept in there, probably concerned if he was admitted to sleep with him once again, or maybe because Seungri was snoring, or… for whatever other reason, but the room turned out to be empty. 

His silent steps took him to the last room to check, the leaving room, being an open space it allowed him to see both the kitchen area and the leaving space, and when he finally got there, numbing pain reached his chest and his head, because again, the room was empty. 

He didn’t know what to do. He didn’t know what to feel, what he was feeling.

Disappointment wasn’t enough of a word to be used for how he felt. Heart-broken neither. He just felt so exhausted and just… sad. 

What was there to say anymore? He had been played once again, and once again he had believed in Jiyong. He should have known.

Yet, that promise of Jiyong still felt like the biggest betrayal of them all.

He made his way to the crib where his snoring son dreamt unknowingly of the pain his father was feeling. He wondered if Jiyong, with him in his arms, had realised the heavy implications of staying with him. The family he was going to have —because that’s what it was all about— so suddenly, and in fright had left. 

Careful not to wake him up, Seungri took Taehyun in his arms, the baby snuggling closer to the warmth of his chest, and looking at him, he gently stroked his chubby cheek before making his way back to his bedroom. 

He laid his son on the soft mattress and then laid next to him, stroking his soft hair before taking his small hand and giving it a kiss, the baby unconsciously grabbing for his index and drawing it closer to him. He smiled softly at the unconscious act, and with his thumb stroked the back of his son hand. 

Before closing his eyes, he made sure Taehyun was securely laying on his stomach, his arm going around the boy’s back and creating a secure barrier so the baby wouldn’t turn in his sleep, and with a last kiss on his boy’s crown, he fell back asleep.

_“It’s just you and me now”_ being his last thought before Morpheus took him back in his arms.

 

 

** ∞ **

 

 

A soft giggle woke him from his sleep. He groaned tiredly and felt hazily beside him for the small frame of his son, but found emptiness instead. Through a sudden panic he felt all around him before his eyes sprung open upon feeling nothing. 

He fixed himself straight once again, his eyes scanning the room in search—

«Good Morning» and Jiyong was there, legs crossed at the end of the spacious bed, with Taehyun in his lap while he held the boys chubby feet moving them back and forth. 

Seungri blinked repeatedly, trying to understand if he was actually awake, and realising he was, confusion took over.

«what are you—» he cleared his groggy voice, still laced with sleep «what are you doing here?» he asked, hands rubbing at his tired eyes before focusing back on Jiyong.

«I told you, I’d stay—»

«you didn’t. I— I saw… you were gone» 

«ah» the calm expression that was early grazing Jiyong features, tumbled down, and the elder looked down at his hands and released Taehyun’s feet, before settling them back in his lap. The boy protested at the sudden lack of attention, and Seungri bent forward to take him in his arms, and cradle him securely against his chest.

«I… I met Nana» Jiyong admitted with a sigh. Seungri’s throat clogged up once more, and anger started already to come back at him, when Jiyong looked back up at him.

«I told her it was over» though he felt relief at those words, still, many things felt blurry and confused to Seungri, who confusedly looked at Jiyong.

«so it wasn’t before?» he wondered out loud.

«not officially, no» he shook his head, accompanying his words, and then looked back down at his lap. «I… I asked her for a break, three months ago… I needed to… figure out what I wanted, that’s why I came here back then… Already then I was ready to go to her and break it off right away, I— seeing you there made me want to drop everything just to be with you, but I was afraid… I—» he interrupted himself, looking hesitant in regards of the thoughts he was about to expose, but he knew that sooner or later, those kind of  doubts would come in between them —if Seungri still wanted him back, that was— and so he braced himself with a long sigh, before unveiling his thoughts.

«I’m not proud of telling you this but I… I was afraid I wanted you back because of… Taehyun. I didn't want for my desire to have you back, to have anything to do with my dream to have a family— all of this seemed like my dreams coming true all at once» and to confirm his words, when Jiyong looked back at him, at him holding Taehyun, he could _feel_ the longing and softness in his gaze. 

«was it for that… reason? _Is it_ for that reason?» he asked, almost protectively cradling Taehyun closer to him, as a frown made its way on his features.

«no… three months away from you and I missed _you»_ he told him in earnest, that same loving gaze still painted in his eyes as he looked back at Seungri. «when I saw you last night, all messy, disheveled…smelly—»

«yah!» he protested with a pout, Taehyun, below, giggled at his father’s expression, and with his tiny hands, he tried to reach up to him, causing for Seungri to calm down pretty quickly as he smiled back at his son. When he looked back up at Jiyong, the man was quietly reaching towards the two, his hand reaching for Seungri’s one, calling him to look at his eyes.

«I realised I really, strongly, hardly love you, because even now, with dried drool on your cheek—»

«I don’t— oh fuck» he tried to protest once again, but his sentence was not even complete when Jiyong’s hand cupped his cheek and with his thumb rubbed away those traces. Seungri blushed, slightly embarrassed by his not so “modelly” image, while Jiyong quietly chuckled at it all. His hand, though, didn’t move, as it remained there on his cheek, erasing the embarrassment of the younger as his eyes locked with Jiyong’s.

«I still want to wake up to _this_ every morning, if you… if you let me» he felt Jiyong’s hand as it moved away, but quickly, he took hold of it and kept it there, stroking the back of it with his thumb.

«I would love to wake up to your snores too» he told him, smiling. 

Warmth was spreading through him, a nice, secure warmth, gifted to him with the knowledge that he was loved, and that the man who loved him, was ready and sure to be with him, with _them_. 

«I don’t _snore_ » the moment was broken by Jiyong pettily drawing his hand away and scowling at him.

«sure do» he snorted. 

«I don’t» 

«totally do» 

«I—» upon meeting the raised eyebrows of the younger, his pout deepened, «fine! But not always!»

«sure Ji, sure»

«aish!»

 

The banter could have gone on for long if it wasn’t for Taehyun that finally made his presence known by crying out loud. 

Both of them, embarrassed, stopped, and with Seungri getting up to prepare the milk, and Jiyong starting right away to tidy up the apartment, silently, a new life for the three started. 

 

 

 

** ∞ **

 

 

At the end, a lot was there to say of such predicament. 

 

One is that Seungri had never wanted to be a father, and all his life had enjoyed the freedom he so hardly worked to achieve. 

 

Jiyong, always desired for a family with a pretty wife and two or three toddlers running around and a nice home in the outskirts of Seoul in which raising his children. 

 

Perhaps, the turn of events in their life was the lowest they found themselves in, but in a way or another, it worked, it perfectly did, and if asked, they would say, they wouldn't have it any other way.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


End file.
